I walk to the closet and gather boxes of materials, carry them to the kitchen, sit down at my vise and turn on the lamp. With the click of the remote I am listening to my beloved singer-songwriter station and wondering which pattern I will tie today in preparation for an upcoming trip to a mountain stream I have been eyeing up.
Although I have a few store-bought versions in my fly box, I begin tying what is supposed to be a Griffith’s Gnat when I realize that my hackle is not the right gauge. Having already tied on the peacock herl I decided to continue with a small neck hackle and just see where I might end up. As I finish what looks like some sort of tiny woolly bugger, I sat back and laughed to myself.
Here I am, attempting to make a rough imitation of some sort of bug which I will use to fool a fish, if I am lucky. I smile as I think about the process. How could even the most seasoned fly tyer, or anyone attempting to imitate any aspect of nature for that matter, not be in awe of the creative hand of God? We sit and fumble, brushing the thread against the barb and watching hopelessly as it unravels halfway through the tying process. We glob the head cement over the hook eye and quickly stab whatever we can through it so that we don’t have the cruel prank of an eyeless hook waiting for us at the river. We finish what we believe to be, the perfect fly, only to realize the next day that the wings have fallen slightly forward and it doesn’t look so perfect anymore. And in all of this, the best we can say is, ‘it will do.’
I adore my Heavenly Father and I delight so very much in what He has created. I am a rarity in that I am scientist and a creationist. I do not deny that I believe that in this fallen world, God allowed for certain elements of evolution to flourish as part of His plan; not because His designs were faulty, but because our sins caused the world to change. It was good, and then then sin of man caused it to be broken. I sit here, knowing that science is the pursuit of truth, and it is frustrating to me that so many have claimed and adapted their theories and choose not to pursue truth any further…I believe…out of fear of what they may discover. After all, who would admit to throwing an entire lifetime of research away at the expense of excepting something simply based on faith alone that, to natural man, sounds like mythology. And on the contrary, many Christians rule out every aspect of evolutionary theory, not fully understanding it, and for what? We should have no fear but only confidence that God is truth, and ultimately, it will all lead back to Him. I teach creation in my homeschool because it goes hand in hand with what I have learned through science. I hope to see a day where we realize we are speaking the same language, but sometimes not fully understanding our ‘opponents’ dialect.
But all that aside, faith is more than that to me. Yes, armed with nothing more than His holy word and my testimony, I believe in an Almighty God that I cannot see. But the fact that I have spent my life searching has only manifested the truth. I have never been opposed to hearing any one theory. But one thing I have learned…we must believe that doubt and questioning will ultimately bring us to the truth; that this world was created…that WE were lovingly created…for His pleasure. And then the next step is to accept Him, to live for Him and each other, and not for ourselves. I can’t imagine what our world would look like, but I believe with all of my heart that someday I will finally be able to see it the way He intended it to be – albeit after Christ’s glorious return.
So I have moved on to another pattern that I am marginally more confident to tie. Although I sound wistful in my pursuit, I am actually quite content knowing that I cannot perfect what has already been perfected.
Besides…even if a fish doesn’t grace my presence this weekend, perhaps a bug will think my little inelegant fly is irresistible.